The Twelve Days of a Shinobi Christmas
by Yamia Ishtar
Summary: The Twelve Days of Christmas song, Naruto style! Yes there will be yaoi. SasuNaru mainly. Different couples on different days.


Yamia:Konichiwa and hajimemashite minna-sans! Welcome to my first Christmas fanfic! Woot!

Brago:...yay...

Yamia:Oh Brago, where's your Christmas spirit?

Brago:It went out the window...

Yamia:Aww, then I got you this yellowtail for nothing. It _was_ your Christmas present but...(goes to the window to throw it out)

Brago:Wait!

Yamia:(evil smile) Say the disclaimer and I'll let you have it...

Brago:Yamia doesn't own Zatch Bell, Naruto, Snickers, or the 12 Days of Christmas song! Now give me the flippin' fish!

Yamia:Ok!(throws it out the window anyway)

Brago:No!(throws himself out the window)

Yamia:Lol. Please enjoy everyone! See you guys at the end!

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The Twelve Days of a Shinobi Christmas

By Yamia Ishtar

Chapter 1: Day One:Star Ocean

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_Christmas. A time of joy and wonder, being nice to your fellow man, finding the right jutsu for immortality...what? Who switched my script?! A note? 'Have a happy Christmas, Love, Orochimaru.'. Goddammit Orochimaru! Hey you, authoress! I can't read this! The whole thing has been changed! Change it back! What? Just go with it? (sigh) I still better be getting payed for this..._

_Christmas. A time of joy and wonder, acting nice towards your fellow man, finding the right jutsu for immortality, and...getting an unlimited supply of ramen from Ichiraku Ramen Shop down the street...yeah...anyway, please join us, in the retelling of a classic Christmas song fused with the zaniness of Naruto. Yes I called Naruto zani. What cha gonna do about it huh? Thought so. So anyway, lets get on with this story already._

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_On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me, an ocean in the stars._

He sighed. He sighed again. He sighed yet again. He-okay dammit stop sighing!

"What the fuck?" Uchiha Sasuke got out of his bed and looked around. He thought he just heard someone's voice. But he and Naruto were the only ones in the room. He walked over to the window, opened it, and looked outside. No crazy fangirls. No stalkers. No Sakura. So who the hell was talking?

**It was me smart-ass.**

Sasuke stuck his head back inside and shut the window. He looked up at the ceiling and glared at it.

"Who the hell are you?"

**Im the narrator for this messed up Christmas tale. You and Naruto are my playthings.**

"Are you kidding me? I must still be dreaming. Yeah, I had to much to drink last night. I'll just go back to sleep and I'll wake up." Sasuke walked back to the bed. He crawled under the covers and snuggled up to Naruto.

**Dammit you little Uchiha brat! Get up!**

"What do you want from my life?!" Sasuke screamed at the ceiling.

**You are not drunk stupid. Like I said, Im the narrator for this Christmas tale. You and Naruto are helping me!**

Sasuke sat up in his bed. "Which story is it?"

**The Twelve Days of Christmas.**

"My mom used to sing that to me..."

**Yeah well she ain't here now, you and Naruto have to act it out for me.**

"Fine, fine. What's the first day again?"

**Hmm, well since this is the version by Yamia Ishtar, the first day is Star Ocean.**

"Star Ocean? The game?"

**No you idiot. If this was the game, you guys wouldn't be here. Just let me narrate the stupid story! Whatever I say, you guys will automatically do it.**

Sasuke gave the ceiling a look. Doing whatever this weird voice said? This sounded like some justu Orochimaru cooked up.

"How do I know you're not working for Orochimaru?" Sasuke voiced the thoughts running around his head.

**Cause even though this story is supposed to be a parody, its still a romance story.**

"Alright fine. Narrate away." Sasuke waved his hand in the air, dismissing the voice that was starting to freak him out. But he wasn't about to let that be known.

**Thank you. So anyway, restarting this story...**

Uchiha Sasuke got out of the bed he was sharing with his lover, Uzumaki Naruto. He stretched, feeling something in his back crack. He needed a spa day, but first, he needed to find a Christmas present for Naruto. There was only nine more days until Christmas and he had yet to find anything for his hyperactive kitsune. No, he was not getting him ramen. No matter how many times Naruto asked for it, Sasuke was not getting him a gift card for Ichiraku Ramen Shop. He didn't even think those existed.

"Gift cards for Ichiraku. Funny. But I'll ask about it just in case..." Sasuke muttered while he gathered the clothes he would be wearing today.

"What happened to ramen?"

Sasuke stiffened and turned around quickly. Naruto was up! But why?! He was usually asleep for hours after they had mind-blowing sex! This didn't make any sense! Wait! Did this mean...he was no longer a sex god? Oh dear Kami...

"It's not possible..." Sasuke turned away from Naruto and stared into space. His life was over. What else was there to live for if you were no longer a sex god?

**This isn't a Christmas story anymore. It's just pure smut. But anyway...**

Uzumaki Naruto yawned, stretched and looked at his boyfriend. What the hell was his problem? He glanced over at the clock. It was only ten in the morning. Not to early, not to late. So what the hell was Sasuke's problem? He looked like a friggin' zombie or something. This never happened after they had mind-blowing sex. Or did it? He was usually still asleep when Sasuke woke up.

"Oi, teme! What's wrong with you?" Naruto asked, getting out of the bed and walking over to Sasuke.

Sasuke looked at Naruto with hallowed eyes. "You're up. You're never up after we have mind-blowing sex...Im not a sex god anymore..." he muttered.

"Oh that. I always wake up when someone mentions ramen. Don't worry, you're still a sex god." the blonde smiled.

"Really?"

"Really Sasuke." Naruto turned away from Sasuke so he could yawn without letting his love smell his morning breath. "So Sasuke, you know what I would really love for Christmas?"

"What?" the brunette asked, putting on his clothes and eventually his jacket. Sasuke was so gullible. He fell for this question every time, hoping that Naruto would give him an idea as to what to get him for Christmas.

"Gift cards for Ichiraku's!" Naruto turned back around, his arms stretched wide and a grin plastered on his face, making him look much like a fox. But, Sasuke wasn't there. He heard the front door slam shut. Sasuke ran away! That bastard! Naruto grabbed his kunai pouch from his nightstand and ran to the window. He opened it and stuck his head screaming, "Sasuke-teme! I'll teach you to run away while Im talking!".

Naruto started hurling kunai at poor little Sasuke. Sasuke started dodging them, barely missing the one that landed by his foot. He turned around to the house he and Naruto shared and shook his fist at the open window where Naruto was leaning out(wearing nothing but boxers might I add.). Sasuke was glad they lived in the Uchiha Manor, otherwise Naruto would've been arrested four times over for indecent exposure.

'I think Naruto ran out of kunai...' Sasuke slowed to a walk when he thought he was in the clear. Oh how wrong he was.

"You think Im done dammit?! I found your senbon!" Naruto yelled.

"Oh shit!"

Sasuke ran. He ran for his life. Out of the Uchiha Estate and into the streets of Konoha. Away from his now murderous boyfriend.

-----

"Im telling you she doesn't want that."

"What are you talking about?! What girl wouldn't this?!"

"A girl who isn't a dog that's who."

"Dammit Shikamaru! You agreed to help me shop for Hinata! Not criticize my every move!"

"It's not my fault you have no idea what Hinata likes. Now stop yelling and get that blue hair ribbon over there."

"This one?"

"No the other one. The glittery one."

"Arf!"

Inuzuka Kiba, Nara Shikamaru and Akamaru were out Christmas shopping. But they weren't doing any plain old Christmas shopping, this was "Oh my God Shikamaru there's only nine more days left until Christmas! Help me find a gift for Hinata!" Christmas shopping. Yep, men are bad at shopping aren't they?

"It's all...sparkly...are you sure Hinata will like this?" Kiba asked, sniffing the glittery hair accessory in his hand.

"Yes she will. She likes shiny things, just in case you didn't know." Shikamaru yawned a little, leaning against the wall and stuffing his hands into his coat pockets.

"No I didn't know. Here Akamaru, you sniff this."

"Well you should, you're her boyfriend..."

"Yeah well...you'd be scared to look in her place too with her parents breathing down your neck! It's like they think Im going to steal something from them!" Kiba crumpled the blue hair ribbon during his ranting. He blushed slightly, threw away the ruined ribbon, and got a new one.

"They're rich and paranoid, what do you think? At least they let you in their house, they won't even let me through the gate." Shikamaru sighed.

Kiba laughed and walked away to the cash register. Shikamaru got up and followed him, making sure to trip a little old lady that passed by them just because he could. He snickered when she fell into a pile of holiday wool sweaters. She'd be itching everywhere for hours. God he was evil...but he liked it.

"Thats $3.29...thank you sir, and happy holidays!"

"Thanks, you too. Hey Shikamaru, you coming or what?"

"Yeah, yeah..."

Kiba and Shikamaru walked out of the store, one carrying a bag and a puppy, the other carrying Advil in his pocket. They were talking about something and the other when, out of the corner of Shikamaru's eye, he spotted Uchiha Sasuke running out of a cheese store.

"Hey, there goes Uchiha." Shikamaru muttered.

"Wonder what he's buying." Kiba asked between eating his Snickers.

"Nothing for Sakura that's for sure."

"Then let's stalk him!" Kiba proclaimed, slightly smushing his Snickers.

"Why? I don't care about what he wants to buy..." Shikamaru complained.

"Cause I wanna know! And so does Akamaru! Ne, Akamaru?!" Kiba asked his canine companion.

"Arf!" Akamaru barked in agreement.

"Fine, let's go already..."

Kiba put his present for Hinata next to Akamaru and ran off after Sasuke. Shikamaru glared after the two ninjas and walked after them. Why did he bother to wake up today?

---

'Cheese? CHEESE?! Why the hell did I go to a cheese store for Naruto?!' Sasuke cursed in his mind. He walked quickly from the store and out of the mall. He had to find a present for Naruto! Maybe Ichiraku's...Sasuke started running now, desperate to get to Ichiraku's before it closed. Wait, didn't they stay open until 10 pm?

"Who cares, I have to get there now! I don't wanna stay out here any longer..." Sasuke complained while he jumped from rooftop to rooftop.

"Where is he going? He's talking to himself..." Shikamaru complained, running slightly behind Kiba. They were on the ground running after Sasuke so they wouldn't get caught.

"He's going to Ichiraku Ramen Shop!" Kiba yelled, jumping over two little boys wrestling in the street.

"And you would know this how?"

"Cause me and Naruto go this way to Ichiraku's all the time!" Kiba smiled.

"Yeah..."

---

"Old man!"

The old man(**his official name is Teuchi**) who worked at Ichiraku's turned around at the sudden shout of his nickname. He saw the Uchiha heir breathing heavily, holding his side and leaning on the counter. What in Kami's name happened to him? Buttrape?

"How can I help you Uchiha-san?" Teuchi asked happily.

"Do you guys...have...gift cards?!" Sasuke panted out.

"Of course we do! How much do you want on it?" Teuchi took out a gift card from the drawer in front of him and placed on the counter in front of Sasuke.

"You guys...have gift cards?" Sasuke stared hard at the gift card in front of him. He couldn't believe they had gift cards!

"Of course! We started selling them a month ago after Naruto started bringing in so many new costumers."

"Thank you Kami! Put a hundred dollars on it!" Sasuke pulled out a hundred dollar bill from his wallet, slapping it on the counter and placing his heated head on the cool counter.

"Sure. Thank you very much Uchiha-san!" Teuchi handed the gift card over to Sasuke.

"Thank you very much." Sasuke pocketted the gift card and got up from the counter.

"Your welcome and happy holidays!"

"You too."

-

"There, are you happy now? Sasuke was getting a present for Naruto." Shikamaru punched Kiba on top of his head. They were currently peeking out of an alleyway facing Ichiraku's, spying on Sasuke's gift shopping.

"Yep! Just wanted to know what he was gonna buy!" Kiba got up and rubbed the top of his head. He smiled over at Shikamaru in a somewhat apology.

"Do you know that I hate you sometimes?" Shikamaru stated. He turned away from Kiba and started walking away.

"Shika-chan! You hate me?! Wait up!" Kiba ran after Shikamaru, his hood flying back as he ran.

-

Sasuke started his slow walk home, randomly accepting gifts from his fangirls and throwing them away when they weren't looking. Damn fangirls, he had to get a restraining order on them. The brunette sighed and looked up at the night sky. It was so beautiful and huge, like an ocean in the sky.

"Wait...didn't Naruto say the same thing too?" Sasuke asked himself, stopping and still staring at the sky.

_"Sasuke look! Isn't the sky beautiful at this time of night?" Naruto asked his lover._

_"Yeah, it is."_

_The two boys were currently stargazing, sitting on top of the Hokage's Mountain. They were sitting, hand in hand, in the October night air. Sasuke had brought Naruto to this spot as part of the blonde's birthday present, but in reality, he was just waiting for everyone to finish setting up the surprise party for him in his house. They were taking forever..._

_"Oi, dobe look. A shooting star. Make a wish." Sasuke smirked, nudging his boyfriend a little with his shoulder._

_"A wish? I already got my wish. It's you teme." Naruto smiled up at Sasuke, his blue eyes shining in the moonlight._

_"Then make another one."_

_"Fine then. I wish me and Sasuke can stay together forever! And help Orochimaru find that immorality jutsu so he can give it to us too so we can definitly stay together forever!" Naruto yelled to the sky._

_"WHAT?!"_

_"Just kidding! But really, I want us to stay together forever..."_

_"Hn. Me too..."_

_And somewhere in Otogakure, Orochimaru sneezed._

"Yeah, that's the perfect present for Naruto!"

Sasuke started running home, eager for the last nine days to pass already so Christmas would come already.

---(**lets skip nine days alright?**)---

"Naruto...Naruto-kun wake up!"

"...five more minutes mommy..."

"Naruto, get up. It's me, Sasuke, not your mom."

"Sasuke? What time is it?" Naruto got up and stretched, feeling his shirt ride up his stomach.

"It's 10 'o clock."

"In the morning?"

"No, at night."

"Oh."

Sasuke got out of the bed and started getting dressed. He would wait for Naruto to figure it out.

"WHAT?!"

There we go.

"Sasuke! Why didn't you wake us up earlier?! We just friggin missed Christmas!" Naruto yelled from the bed.

"No we didn't. There's two more hours left. Now put on your clothes." Sasuke put on his coat and looked at Naruto.

"For what?! To go to some stupid Christmas party?!"

"No, for your Christmas present. Now hurry up, I don't want to wait to long for your slow butt." Sasuke walked out of the room and closed the door behind him. Wait, why did he just leave the room? He could've had a front row seat to a naked Naruto. Damn Christmas, making him think weird thoughts...

---

"Man...I missed Christmas. Goddammit Sasuke, waking me up so late..." Naruto pouted. He shuffled around the room, picking up random articles of clothes from the drawer and placing them on the bed.

Naruto sighed and pulled on a pair of jeans. He sat on the bed and backwards on it, sighing and-**Fuck it! Hurry up and get dressed you damn spaz!**

"What the hell?!" Naruto fell off his bed, causing a loud bang to ring through out the mansion.

**Here we go. Please don't be afraid, little Uchiha Naruto-**

"It's Uzumaki!"

**Ah yes, thanks. Please don't be afraid, little Uzumaki Naruto. Im just the narrator for this little messed up Christmas tale remix.**

"Oh! Ok then." Naruto continued getting dressed, acting as though nothing had happened.

**Wha-you're okay with this?**

"Yeah, having Kyuubi talk to me got me used to random, unviewable voices suddenly talking to me." Naruto put on his coat and walked to the door.

**Oh. Ok then. (ahem) I'll just continue the story then...**

"Yeah, you do that." Naruto walked out of the room and closed the door behind him. He walked down the stairs, meeting up with Sasuke in the living room and walking out of the house.

**Well damn. Im not used to that kind of fast acceptance...threw me off balance...hey Yamia, am I still getting money for this? Yes? Alright then, continuing with the story...**

**----**

"Sasuke, are we there yet?"

"Yeah. You can take the blindfold off now."

"Finally. Where are we any...wow!"

"Heh, happy Christmas Naru-chan." Sasuke muttered.

"Sasuke this is awesome! The sky is so beautiful!" Naruto ran up to the edge of the Hokage Mountain and sat down. The stars in the sky shined in Naruto's blue eyes.

"It's our own little Star Ocean."

"Star Ocean...I like that."

"Good. Oh, and here." Sasuke passed Naruto a small box.

"Huh? What is...OH KAMI! ICHIRAKU GIFT CARD! SASUKE I LOVE YOU!" Naruto glomped his boyfriend and kissed him.

Best Christmas ever? Yep, it sure as hell was.

---

Yamia:Hope you guys enjoyed this! I delievered it right on Christmas too!(feels proud) So, Brago isn't here, so I'll end this here. Stay tuned for the next chapter minna-san! Ja for now!


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